Does sex ever make you feel bad despite your partner’s amazing skills? Feeling guilty for having sex is more common than you think; it’s just not frequently talked about.
To help you embrace intimacy and derive sexual empowerment, we are here to break the stigma and help you address the issue both with yourself and your partner.
Why Does Sex Make Me Feel Guilty?
1. It has something to do with your upbringing
Feeling guilty for having sex often has a lot to do with one’s upbringing. Unfortunately, our society overall still sees sex as taboo, and the chances are that you were taught by your parents or teachers that sex is wrong, or perhaps you only learned about its negative consequences such as STIs and pregnancy.
A belief that sex is bad can be difficult to get rid of, even if you become a highly sexual person later on. If you feel guilty for having sex, it’s possible that some part of you still thinks that you shouldn’t do it.
2. Your kink is outside the norm
Society isn’t just judgemental of the act itself but also of specific kinks. So while some people might be comfortable talking about sex, their idea of what’s acceptable and what’s not might be very limited.
If you have any unusual sex preferences, this kind of stigma might be difficult to escape, and even if your partner likes the same things, you might still feel a pang of guilt after sex.
3. Your needs aren’t being met
While women are still being taught that men’s pleasure matters more than theirs, your self-esteem might be high enough for your body to realize that it isn’t getting what it deserves.
If your partner focuses on himself more than on your needs, you might end up feeling guilty for having sex because you know you deserve better.
How Do I Know I Feel Guilt After Sex?
Sometimes you know something’s wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. If you feel upset after sex, you might be unsure if it’s because you’re in a bad mood or because of any other reason.
Feelings of guilt might be difficult to identify, especially if you have sex with someone who cares about you. If you notice that negative feelings after sex are a common occurrence, try to spend some time focusing on your thoughts. If you let yourself simply observe them, you might notice a thought that will tell you what you’re feeling.
Additionally, you can ask yourself questions such as, ‘Was it consensual?’, ‘Did I do it to please my partner, or was I in the mood?’, and so on.
Is Feeling Guilty For Having Sex Wrong?
If you feel guilty after sex, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you don’t care about your partner – it’s okay to have mixed feelings about intimacy sometimes.
However, letting these kinds of feelings build up can have a negative impact on you and your sex life. Here’s why you should learn how to cope with guilt:
1. It might prevent you from enjoying sex
Contrary to what Bible says, sex is fun, and you’re supposed to enjoy it just for the sake of pleasure sometimes. Unless you’re an asexual person, you’re a sexual being that deserves to have her needs met.
If you continue feeling guilty for having sex, it might eventually put you off from ever engaging in it, and if you still do, you’ll be sending your brain a message that you don’t deserve to feel good.
2. It might prevent you from exploring what you like in bed
No one is born knowing what they like in bed. You might have certain preferences that you know of because you saw something in a movie that turned you on, but there are always a lot more things to explore. If you feel guilty instead of excited, you won’t have the motivation to discover what else might be out there for you.
3. It might negatively impact your relationship
Physical intimacy is as important as emotional intimacy in relationships, and sex is both. Your partner will figure out how you feel sooner or later and might even start feeling guilty for wanting to have sex with you while knowing how bad it makes you feel.
4. You might continue feeling ashamed
Feeling guilty after sex can evoke all kinds of negative emotions.
Even if you decide to stop having sex – because why would you do something that doesn’t make you happy – those feelings of guilt will linger, and you might even experience shame thinking back on all the things you used to do in bed.
5. It might put you off masturbation
Masturbation is not only a great form of self-exploration but has a range of other benefits, such as increased relaxation and improved mood. If you struggle with stress, giving up on this aspect of your life might make you more unhappy in the long run. Try your best to not miss out on a happiness-instilling session with your favorite V For Vibes sex toys when you are feeling in the mood!
As you can see, it’s worth working through a feeling of guilt and learning how to enjoy having sex without it again. But how can you do that?
How to Feel Less Guilty For Having Sex
Feeling guilty for having sex isn’t something most people talk about, which is why it might be difficult for you to know where to start. Here are a few steps you can take:
1. Try to figure out why you feel guilty
The best way to become more aware of your thoughts and to make more sense of your inner world is to keep a journal where you write down everything you feel and experience.
Putting things on paper can give you some more clarity. Feeling guilty after having sex can mean a lot of things and can be something unexpected, like the inability to enjoy yourself knowing your best friend struggles to find a partner and so on.
2. Explain the situation to your partner
If you don’t have an honest conversation with your partner, it might lead to tension, and your partner might feel left out. Once you’ve figured out where the guilt might be coming from, you can sit your partner down and explain to him everything you’re comfortable with.
If guilt is linked to something traumatic that happened to you, you don’t have to include any details. The most important thing is to make your partner aware of your emotions so that he knows you’re working on getting better and so that he can support you.
3. Focus on the positives
Feeling guilty for having sex can make you forget how good it might feel, so instead of focusing on guilt, try to focus on pleasure. In other words, instead of having sex, engage in other sexual activities.
For example, you can practice building anticipation with your partner by sexting or using dirty talk. Make it your daily routine, and when you start feeling more and more relaxed, you can go a step further and incorporate mutual masturbation.
4. Consider therapy
Sometimes some things are too difficult to unlearn on your own, especially if they’re linked to beliefs from your childhood. If you feel like you can’t cope on your own, don’t be afraid to consider seeking professional help.